The shadow of a shadow,
leans against my feet.
A symphony of darkness,
plays its note within my head.
The arcane words
and the abstract art,
create their own canvas;
my figure is drawn,
yet, no name for the artist.
Wearing the jacket around my slender sleek shoulders,
a mask upon the painted smooth face,
remade vintage, washed cloth
is wrapped around my knees.
Scars are hidden from the skin
as the soul glimmers and fades
like a winter sunset.
The reflection of a reflection,
mirrors the distorted nostalgia.
Twisted but not backwards,
so the language is unclear.
Words are my secrets.
Thus, the vain message;
a request turns to requiem,
muting the silence.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Yeah this is an AWESOME poem. I wish I could critique it but I have nothing bad to say. Except maybe splitting that jacket line that everyojne else was talking about.
: Scratches head :
I can't find anything to say about this poem except for:
WOW
Twas good.
However I agree with everyone else, "Wearing the jacket around my slender sleek shoulders" sticks out. I think you should cut it into two lines "Wearing the jacket around/my slender sleek shoulders" works betters for me. Otherwise it was a good read.
I like it, I thought it was original and it kept me hooked. But yeah, the
"Wearing the jacket around my slender sleek shoulders"
sort of threw the rhythm and mood you'd built up.
Anyway, nice work!
I can see why you called it Abstract
Anyway I really enjoyed reading this poem, it was a little choppy though, like here:
"Wearing the jacket around my slender sleek shoulders,
a mask upon the painted smooth face,
remade vintage, washed cloth
is wrapped around my knees. "
The first line of this seemed to throw it off, and third and fourth lines are a little to choppy. But this is a nice poem.
i think i can see why this is called abstract! lol
anyways i really love this poem... its got the
feeling of something that you see published in
a book or a poem that you have to write about
in english lessons... i think thats a compliment!
Wearing the jacket around my slender sleek shoulders
ummm i think this ^ is a little long compared to the
other lines but it still seems to work... apart from that
i cant think of anything to say - its just cause i cant
think of anyway to improve it!
still gotta figure out the exact meaning though...